BANGKOK. (INSERT IMMATURE JOKE HERE).

BUS RIDE ADVENTURES: VOLUME 14
The next morning Katie and I left boarded the bus marked for Bangkok. This proved to be both more uncomfortable and more adventurous than any of the buses I had taken up to this point. Which is saying ALOT. Trust me.

The morning began by packing the entire bus full to the brim with people, stacking all of their belongings into a 12 ft. tall tower in the back of the turn-of-the-century public transit vehicle. When this infallible system could hold no more, the overflow of belongings spilled into the aisle- 2 backpacks high along the entire length of the aisle. In case of fire, just sit there unable to escape and accept the fact that you booked a 12-hour international bus ticket that costs roughly the same as a Vente Caramel Macchiato.

In the midst of this mayhem, Katie and I befriended a smooth-talkin', wise-crackin', and honestly very delightful Aussie (that's Australian for "an Australian citizen") named Brendon. We chatted about various travel experiences- apparently he had just called his boss to tell him he wouldn't be back at work, and that was that. He tried, with minimal success, to convince Katie to do the same. He also described in detail each of the various times that he had gotten "massively wasted" on the trip. It was fun.

After 4 hours on the bus from hell, we arrived at the Thai border. After an hour of filling out forms, paying money, and waiting in lines, we were officially in Thailand! Alright!

We were greeted by a massive upgrade: a brand-new 15-passenger leather seated van with fake chrome rims. And given that we only had 30 people... it should work out... oh no. Guess that whole arithmetic thing didn't work out this time. As the first group left, we waited for our "ride" to show up. Thankfully, it actually did. And we were off- in style!

BANGKOK: ARRIVAL
We arrived in Bangkok and immediately began touring around- just as the skies immediately began monsoon raining. Running for cover to equip ourselves with our trusty rain jackets, Katie and I braved the storm, which was already flooding up the streets to near-curb height. Wandering the streets, we discovered a Thai restaurant! Who would have guessed... in the middle of a town like Bangkok? I got my first dish of Phad Thai actually in Thailand. We had a wonderful dinner and conversation, enhanced only by the 4 T.V. screens playing the "Transformers" movie inside the island-themed Thai shack- inspired dinner restaurant. Just what you would expect.

The next day was a mad rush to see as much of the city as possible without missing our flights out that left at 6pm. I'm proud to say that we rose to the task.

DO "PIGEON FEEDERS" HAVE TO SUBMIT W-2 FORMS?
We toured some Busshist temples and such, and then happened upon an elderly Thai couple very politely feeding a group of pigeons with bags of seed. "How nice", I thought. The nice elderly couple gave us some seed. and we joined them in feeding the swarm of pigeons. 10 birds at a time would crawl all over us in search of food- it was alot of fun. We got some great pictures. In fact, the wonderful elderly couple handed us more and more bags of seed and even took pictures for us. When the pigeons died down and we thought we were on our way, the wonderful little Thai elderly couple began to get hostile. "500 bhat! They demanded." Oh! So that's what the perfect elderly couple was doing. We had unknowlingly enetered into a "pigeon feed" business relationship with them. I threw some bhat at them, as more locals began to crowd around and demand money, and we ran out of there. A narrow escape. Or was it?

BENY: AN INTRIGUING MESS
As we continued to walk, on our way back to the main tourist area, a tuk-tuk driver named Beny pulled up and offered a 20 bhat ride to multiple temple sites around town. Knowing it was a scam, we declined. Beny remounted his tuk-tuk, drove around the block, and reemerged. "Ok. 10 bhat." "No. Thank you." Once again, he pulled around the block, came back: "Ok ok. 5 bhat for ride all over town." "Beny- there is no way you can make a profit on a 1-hour tour for the equivalent of 15 U.S. cents. It's a scam." Once again, he left, drove around, and came back. Katie and I could not believe our eyes. "Ok. 4 bhat." "No", I replied. Beny leaves, follows the prescribed routine yet again, and pulls out all the stops. "Ok. Free. No cost. Just get in." By this point I knew it was a scam, but his persistence was so intriguing I couldn't deny him. At this point I had to see what would happen. "Ok. We'll do it." So we hopped in and Beny drove us without a hitch to the first stop, a 45 meter tall statue of Buddha. Talk about a massive statue. It was insane! Each foot of the standing Buddha was 10 feet in length. Glad we were able to see it, we returned to Beny, unsure of where we might end up yet. But I was intrigued. We departed, and after about 3 minutes, it all made sense. Beny stopped in front of a custom suit tailoring business and instructed us to get out and tour through the shop. As we got out, unsure of how to handle the situation, 2 American guys getting into a taxi began talking with us. "Don't go inside", they said. "It's a complete scam and this guy will keep driving you to different shops until you buy something. Just hop in our cab with us and we'll take you wherever you'd like." Katie and I didn't think twice. We ditched Beny, as he stood in disbelief, and slid into the cab. The guys, both from Tampa, Florida, drove us around and dropped us off at the Great Mountain Stupa. They were incredibly friendly, and it worked out perfectly.

The tour of the stupa was great. Best views of the city we saw the whole time- 360 degrees of urban bliss, while standing on a platform with my girlfriend, 12 Buddhist monks, and myself. Those monks sure make for some great photos.

As we were running late, we raced back (as best we could) to grab our stuff to go. I bargained for a "Diesel" messenger bag, which I was told would sell for over 100 Euros, and I got it for the reduced price of $16. Too true. We caught a hot pink taxi (featured in the soon-to-be-released straight-to-DVD film "Hot Pink Taxi Chronicles: Bangkok").

Thank God, Katie and I made it with plenty of time, checked in, said our final goodbyes, and flew to home and on to Delhi, respectively.

It will be tough to find a better travel partner.