DA LAT: WHERE VIETNAM COMES TO "KICK IT"

Turns out I was the only white person in this beautiful French-influenced town this weekend. Which made for celebrity status.

DOWNGRADE THE PRICE, UPGRADE THE SURPRISE!
I awoke the next morning with little idea of what I would do. I decided to leave the ritzy $14/night hotel room I was in and venture into the mysterious land of the $8/night hotel room. This mysterious land brought with it pleasant surprises: pre-opened & used hotel bar soap (because opening it yourself is wasted effort), cheap see-through glass for one entire wall...to the outside, and a shower that is not only deviod of anything resembling warm water, but which also allows you to sit on the toilet while rinsing.

DUNG: NOT WHAT YOU'RE THINKING
The most pleasant surprise, however, came in the form of a man called Dung. No, not that kind of dung. It's pronounced "Yoong". But either way, it looks pretty funny on a business card. Dung is a Da Lat native, and is pretty much the best motorcycling tour guide in the greater Saigon area. Which is saying something. After Dung showed me a hand-written book of various people's praises for his guide skills (the Vietnamese version of Yelp!) I was ready to do it. Which meant hopping on the back of his motorcycle for the next 7 hours. And boy was it a ride!

Dung and I drove down into the valley below the town, showcasing a mix of lush tropical and more temperate environments. It was absolutely beautiful. Apparently, Da Lat is where Vietnam comes to kick it- and now I know why. The more reasonable temperatures, mountains, and rural countryside make it the "Santa Barbara" of Vietnam... if Santa Barbara's mean home price was closer to 15,000 bucks instead of 1.2 million.

Dung and I toured a silk-making factory, a flower farm, and a rice wine manufacturer. Very interesting. Dung took me to a gorgeous waterfall with a Buddhist shrine above it. We ate lunch together and talked about manly stuff... like history. After taking in the wonderful views and rich culture of the area, Dung and I motoed back up the mountain to Da Lat. At this point (4pm) we were going to part ways. But Dung and I had bonded so much... I couldn't let him go that easily. So I booked my next tour with him right then- starting right then. And once agian, we were off.

TALL LANKY WHITE BOY = AMERICAN MOVIE STAR
Dung drove me up to a lookout point with a view of the entire city. And as I was taking in, I was yelled at by a Vietnamese man who wanted me to come over there. "Picture!" he excalimed. Not wanting to disappoint, I walked over to find a line of 20 men and women with cameras, and a middle-aged Vietnamese woman standing in front, waiting for me to join her for this "Photo Opportunity With A Real American Celebrity". I think they thought I was from "the O.C." Either way, I put my arm around her, and cameras flickered. Then, another woman ran up to get her picture taken as well. I embraced her, as once again cameras went off. I also sent Dung into the camera barracade to get some shots of this famous moment in time.

Afterwards, we motoed up to an incredible Buddhist shrine, overlooking a picturesque lake with a forrested island in the middle and limestone-faced mountains in the background. And apparently this is where all of Vietnam was at this very moment. Cuz it was crowded. I mean, ASIAN amounts of crowded. And then, the planets aligned.

HELLA VIETNAMESE
Dung was informing me of different American colloquialisms that he had heard, like how Americans say "dope" to mean "cool". I confirmed that this was true. "In fact," I said, "it's dope to say 'dope'". Then, I when Dung commented on how many swarms of people were walking around, I took the opportunity to share with Dung some real-life Nor-Cal talk. "Dung", I said, "in California, when we want to say there is 'alot' of something, we use the word 'hella'. It's like combining the words 'hell' and 'of'. So, today we could say, 'there's hella people here today."' Dung really enjoyed this new-found knowledge. So much so that a few minutes later, as we were leaving, he turned to me and whispered, "There is the heller of the peoples here". Just like that. It was cute. I was proud.

VIETNAMESE ROLLER COASTERS: TAKING THE "THRILL" OUT OF "THRILL RIDE"
From here, we ventured to this incredible "roller coaster" ride, which was essentially a single-man cart on a track that curves down a hill. I hopped on and rode down- what a blast. Especially with the little kids in front being too scared to go fast, so the whole line got backed up and I found myself barely moving the entire time. But still- it was fun. Then I found a Vietnamese "cowboy" with a saddled horse for photo-ops. This made for some quality pictures when the man handed me two fake revolvers and a red cowboy hat and I saddled up.

After this, my time with Dung was finished. We parted ways, and he told me to add him on facebook. I'll do that soon. It's probably not exceedingly difficult to find his name in the search engine... not many "Dungs" floating around.

CLUB RAIN: NOT THAT COOL
That night I toured the main market, grabbed dinner, and hopped in a cab. "Take me somewhere kind of relzxed, with dancing, please." Club RAIN is where I was dropped off. Dancing - check. Strange fruit concoction platters for each table (this is a new one even for me) - check. Face-melting lights synced to bad trendy house electronica - check. Vietnamese people - check. Me - check. Needless to say, after about 5 minutes of Club RAIN, I went out to find the next taxi home.